Bear

Two people are walking through the woods. One sees an angry bear approaching. The other kneels and tightens his shoelaces. “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!” “I don’t need to outrun the bear,” he says. “I just need to outrun you.”

In a professional development class, our trainer asked a question. One person became very interested in the handouts. Another inspected a piece of fuzz on his sweatshirt. I put on a “thinking face” and avoided eye contact. We all found something else to do, except answer. Our patient instructor said, “I am far more comfortable with this silence than you are. I can wait.” Eventually, the conversation picked up, and we had an excellent discussion.

Those who have been on my team or class have experienced the lesson I learned that day. Powerful stuff happens in the silence. People take a moment to think about what they want to share before they talk. The obvious first couple of answers get passed over, and the deeper, more reflective considerations appear. Individuals who struggle to find their voice in a group have time to find their space. If I am leading, by waiting to share my perspective, I hear what others really think before they are influenced by what I think.

When I first started the practice, the discomfort was overwhelming. I’d wait for a few seconds more than most, but ultimately I’d still be the one to speak first. I thought people were trying to outrun the bear, but they were just outrunning me. They were out-waiting me to talk.

Knowing that the process works, I am very comfortable in the silence. I settle into it as long as the conversation needs. I watch the faces to see who has thoughts they aren’t sharing. I gently remind them they were invited to this conversation, too. When I leave space, others are able to grow into it.

Am I patient enough to let the deeper thoughts emerge? Have I ensured all voices feel invited to the conversation? Do I create the space for your contribution?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.