Leave-in

Most of my life, I have had short hair. For nearly four decades, the sides of my head were various degrees of shaved. It got a little shaggy during the pandemic until I made the horrible mistake of trying to cut it myself.

A couple of years ago, I got extra busy at work. The time between haircuts dragged on. I received a couple of compliments. So I stretched it longer. The longer it got, the more compliments I got. To a point. Eventually, it was clear I needed a trim.

I’d previously had dicey haircuts at the cheap place. I did not want to risk my new locks there. I hunted down a salon. It took a few attempts, but I found someone I really liked.

The second time I went to her, she asked questions about how I was caring for it. I shared that I washed it daily and then used a leave-in conditioner to shape and style. She stopped and gave me a weird look. Shocked, she said, “That is not a good idea. You do not want to do that.”

She definitely thought I was an idiot. I felt like an idiot. I assumed leave-in conditioner was meant to be left-in. How could I have been so stupid? I was embarrassed. I decided right then to find a new stylist. I wouldn’t show my dumb face there ever again.

She clipped away. We both stewed in the idiocy of my misuse of conditioner. She stopped clipping and said, “Wait… did you say you leave in conditioner or you use leave-in conditioner?”

Phew. A wash of relief. I wasn’t an idiot. At least not about this.

Her intention was to help. I understand the shock. There are only two steps of instructions. She thought this dummy messed up half of them. She did not mean to make me feel dumb. Because of what I knew and heard, that was the impact of what was said. I felt dumb.

A simple misunderstanding created a lot of awkwardness. I was embarrassed. She was confused. The whole thing almost kept me from coming back.

I knew what I’d said. She knew what she’d heard. They were not the same thing.

Even in simple, basic conversations, we can have misunderstandings. I can be sent down the wrong path. I can experience discomfort. I can cause discomfort.

Have I been as clear as I think I have? Can I sit with my feelings before reacting? Do I really understand you?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.