Plane

Both of my previous offices were located under the flight path of a major airport. I saw lots of airplanes every day.

One morning, bleary-eyed, I noticed a small plane flying lower than I had expected. It wasn’t a typical commercial plane, I assumed a private plane. My plane knowledge is limited to those made of paper during class.

The plane was lowering, but was not facing toward the airport. I expected it to bank and line up with a runway. It never turned, it kept descending. It was heading towards the road I was on. My heart sped up. I scanned the cars around me, suddenly hyperaware.

I assumed there was a private airstrip that the plane was headed towards. It continued to lower. It was now clearly headed right for the highway. I’d seen movies like this. There wasn’t a gap to land in traffic. Cars were going to get hit. I mentally mapped an escape route. I wasn’t going to be on the nightly news.

Panic was heavy. My brain was laser-focused on my plan. I made my way to the right lane. I was ready to drive my Nissan into the grass. Going down the embankment was better than being hit by an airplane.

I checked the grassy area once more and saw a person there. I was suddenly faced with a real-time philosophical question. I could get my car out of the way, save myself, and make room for other cars. This might also allow the plane to be safe. However, I would risk hitting the person. I weighed it. Self-preservation was competing with my usual humanity-first disposition.

I checked again. That was the clarifying moment. My rational brain edged in to let me realize what the person was doing. The plane continued to descend directly towards the highway and finally began to turn. His handheld device was guiding his remote-controlled airplane to land in the grassy embankment where he stood.

I knew the plane was small, but the threat felt real. I had been in Dallas traffic, which can drive tension even when it's smooth. I probably would have reacted differently if I hadn’t started from a baseline of fear. Often, my response to the news, politics, and major events is driven by fear. I don’t always appreciate it in the moment, but when I zoom out, I can see it more clearly. There is often someone else with a remote controlling my emotions.

I panicked over a toy airplane.

When I feel my emotions getting high, can I ask, “What am I afraid of right now?” When I zoom out, do I recognize who might be steering my emotions? While my reactions are legitimate, are they useful?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.