Player

We had a Nintendo growing up, and it was awesome. We had an Atari before that, but Nintendo was different. The games were more involved. One of my favorites was The Legend of Zelda. It was a shiny gold cartridge when all the other games were matte gray. I fell for the marketing, but the promise of being different was kept. The game was so much fun.

The “game board” was huge and could be confusing. My dad and I played together. He printed a copy of the map, and we worked together to annotate it.

Like most kids, mine grew to enjoy video games. I was overjoyed to see a new Nintendo with a new Zelda game. The new game was even more expansive. There were more weapons, paths to pick, and far more characters.

In video games, the characters that are not controlled by players are called non-player characters (NPCs). Some NPCs are heavily involved in the gameplay and show up with minor backstories, needs, and involvement. Lots of NPCs are transactional, and some are just decoration. Some show up and have a small task for you to complete, and then fade away after the transaction. Others don’t affect the game at all and just exist in the tapestry of the game.

“NPC” has infiltrated pop culture as derogatory slang to put down someone as unimportant, unoriginal, or simply existing for transactional purposes. I sometimes disengage mentally just enough to let life happen to me. I become purely transactional in how I work through life.

I fall into a worse trap when I view others as NPCs. Waiting to get off the plane after a long flight, queuing to enter a highway, or standing in line at the convenience store, I am surrounded by others, but only focused on myself.

There are no NPCs.

In this mode, I slip into my most self-centeredness. While I am at the center of my own story—the main player in my life—I am not alone. Just as rich and vivid and real as my experiences are, so do others have similar experiences. As much as I have a complex backstory and dreams and hopes, so do others.

Every interaction is a chance to engage with someone just as flawed, experienced, and important as I am. While I am deeply aware of my thoughts and feelings, I have to be curious to understand those of others. I can’t always slow down, but I can stay aware. I can see those around me instead of through them.

There are no NPCs.

How do I recognize when I am in autopilot mode? Am I treating others as background noise? Can I accept that their experience is just as real to them as mine is to me?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.