Shower

I can be really compelling at arguing against a workout. The carrot on the stick for me to fight through exercising is a cold shower. The cold water is a supernatural level of refreshing.

When I first step into the shower, it is almost icy cold. After just a minute, the water becomes fine. It doesn’t seem cold any longer. It’s lukewarm. I turn the knob and recreate the refreshing cool. Although it isn’t quite as nice as when I first got in. After another minute, the water approaches a blah level of warmth. So, I will crank it down more. Depending on how long this fight for cold continues, I run out of “cold” turning distance. The last turn shuts off the water.

Most mornings, a hot shower is the only acceptable shower. After the first blast of warm water, the temperature levels out, and I need to turn it warmer. Then warmer still. If I keep playing that game, I get red splotches on my skin. I’ve never pushed into real burns, but I know I’ve gone on too far.

Sometimes I want things badly. Really badly. I will put in the work to get them. Sometimes the payoff, whatever it is, comes easy. Other times, it takes a lot of effort. Almost always I get the it I was working towards. Finally, exactly what I worked so hard for. It feels great. Then it becomes lukewarm. I think maybe if I get more, or another, or this other thing… I can capture that moment. I get more. I have more. I acquire. The lukewarm creeps in. Or worse, I forget about it altogether.

The happiness it brought fades. The less-than-before happiness having more brings is less with each more I get. Sometimes the more I seek is like the cold. It runs out entirely. Sometimes the more I seek is like the hot. It becomes too much. It gets unhealthy.

No amount of more replaces the first experience. The lukewarm I feel now is often the exact thing I dreamed of before.

Am I chasing something that promises to change everything? Can I recognize how deeply I wanted what I have now? Can I stop turning the knob and appreciate this?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.