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I needed an oil change and a state inspection on the car. It was 20 minutes before closing. I’ve felt the bummer that is a last-minute customer walking in, so I was prepared to be efficient. I was ready with my insurance card and mileage.
The waiting room was empty. The TV was playing National Lampoon’s Vacation--a phenomenal movie. The Service Advisor made a noise to acknowledge that I had walked in. He was polite and professional as he executed his well-rehearsed script for “customer enters building.” I signaled I knew it was late, and we were going to get this done quickly. “I am dropping off my car,” I wanted to comfort him that I expected nothing today.
He said, “I’m sorry?” I repeated, “I am dropping off my car. I just need an oil change and inspection.” There was a long pause as he looked at the TV. He said, “Ok, great. What brings you in today?” I repeated, “I am dropping off my car for an oil change and inspection.” He kept looking at the TV, but began typing slowly on the computer. He took my phone number and looked up my car.
He confirmed my car and then asked, “And what work do you need done?” “Thanks, I just need an oil change and inspection.” He stared at the TV for a while. “Ok, just an oil change?” I repeated, “Also an inspection…” He watched the TV for a bit longer and finally said, “I’m sorry… oil change and what else?” At this point, I’m debating a polite exit from this transaction. He already had my car key, and I had been there without issues before. I opted to give it one more go. “I need an oil change and inspection, please.” This time, it penetrated through the distraction. He said, “This movie is such a classic, any time it’s on I can always watch it.” With more than a little acid, I said, “almost any time…”
His words were polite, and his tone was in the key of “rehearsed customer service.” Every interaction was only after a gap in the movie. We finally made it through, and I got on my way.
Months later, I was in Best Buy. I was greeted warmly by the blue shirt at the front door. The nice young person said, “Hi, welcome in. Let me know if you need help with anything. I hope you have a great day.” I went on a bit of a scavenger hunt, but ultimately got what I needed. I checked out and headed back out the door. I acknowledged the young person standing guard, and she said, “Hi, welcome in. Let me know if you need help with anything. I hope you have a great day.”
At first, I thought she was talking to someone else. I dismissed that on account of the eye contact we held during the exchange. I smirked, and she caught her error. She said, “Oh my! I am on autopilot.” I replied, “I’d say so, that’s ok. I hope you have a great day. Good luck from here!”
She absolutely said the wrong thing, but I did not care. Her words were on autopilot, but she was talking to me, not at me. At the mechanic, I was ignored. No matter how nice he was as he momentarily paid attention, it was always clear that I was prioritized after the movie.
My friend Andy offers an elegant lens for understanding these conflicting feelings. At the heart of most interactions is an unspoken question, 'Do I matter to you?' Or, as he calls it, DIMTY. The interaction will always answer the question. At the mechanic, the answer was “No.” With curiosity, compassion, humor, or attention, the answer becomes a “Yes!”
When I’m distracted or annoyed, it causes people I care about to feel like I don’t. If I’m not focused right here, I forget this question exists. My attitude can make it hard for others to show they care about me. Sometimes small moments are loud answers.
Am I attending to the person or just the task? How am I answering your, “Do I matter to you?” Do I make it easy to answer “yes” to me?
Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.